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October 18, 2006
Do Unto Others (as you would have your dog do unto theirs)
This may seem like an entry about dogs. It's not. This is an entry about my friend Emily Piendak and the ways in which I have wronged her. The interesting thing is that my ill treatment of Emily has translated into Iggy's treating Emily's dog Ruby in similar thoughtless ways.
Chris and Emily were going out of town a few weeks back. And so they asked us to look after Ruby. They dropped Ruby off. What does Iggy do but immediately stuff her entire head into Ruby's bag of food, treats, and toys?
In this way, she is less subtle than I. But I have made a minor career of insinuating myself into Emily's business. On two occasions I have drunk from her glass of water, once at my house on the Fourth of July and another time at a rib joint. On the rib joint night we bowled. Once, when it was Emily's turn, I got up and bowled instead. I got a strike. That's not the point. The point is that it was Emily's turn. Finally, on two occasions when staying at her house I used her towel.
Emily has been patient about these indiscretions, but my trespasses have not gone unnoticed.
Watching the blatent violation of Ruby's bag, feeling the collective weight of Iggy's shame and mine, I told her to stop.
But did she stop?
The real trouble began when Ann came by to see if we wanted to go to the park with Tanker. Of course we said yes. As soon as we arrived, Iggy started acting like a complete jerk to Ruby and firting with Tank, generally behaving like a prize idiot. At one point she ran off with her long legs, just to show everyone how great she looks when she runs.
Ruby took advantage of the opportunity to have a word with Tank. From where I stood, it sounded something like, "Hey, Big Boy." From where I stood, it looked like Tank was not entirely unhappy about Ruby's advances.
Iggy soon realized that no one was watching and admiring her and quickly returned to sniff out the trouble. In the photo below Ruby is saying something along the lines of, "What? I didn't do anything. Innocent! Innocent!"
Tanker is saying something like, "Uh, two girl dogs is better than one."
Iggy said nothing. She gave Tanker a long cold stare as if to say, "Cold bed tonight."
Speaking of Iggy and beds, I think it will not be hard to convince you that this is not Iggy's bed. As Emily's water is also mine, Ruby's bed is also Iggy's. Or so Iggy believed. She was shocked at my suggestion that she remove herself from Ruby's bed so that Ruby might enjoy it.
She utterly ignored me.
Ruby looked the other way, trying her best to prented that she really wasn't interested in the bed in the first place. She is a stoic, like Emily always willing to turn the other cheek no matter how thick the insult.
Iggy's bed is much larger than Ruby's, mind you, so as to accommodate her much larger body. It was nearby and empty. Ruby, though she would have fit in Iggy's bed with room to spare, is a polite dog and did not take advantage of the opportunity to lie upon it. (Just as Emily has not taken advantage of the many opportunities to drink from my water glass or use my towel.) Sensing the opportunity to teach Iggy an important lesson about how it feels to have one's bed violated, Robbi climbed in.
This piqued Iggy's attention.
From where I was standing, it sounded like Iggy was saying, "Uhm, that's really not cool."
When the time came to turn in, the planets realigned. Iggy got into her bed, Ruby into hers, and I into mine.
And thus passed the first night. The two got along so well the next day that when the time came to turn in the next night the whole concept of "my" bed and "your" bed got thrown out the window. There was just "our"bed. After a night spent thusly, the two are perfect friends. All acrimony erased, all jealousies washed away. Iggy has agreed to ask from now on before sniffing, biting, grabbing, or sleeping on or in Ruby's things.
Emily and I will probably have to come up with a different means of bridging our differences.
Posted by bogenamp at October 18, 2006 04:14 AM
Comments
Matthew, let's not forget when you spoiled the outcomes of some MD basketball games that I had taped to watch later. Lucky for you, MD won so I still enjoyed watching the games. No. I'm not bitter at all. Really I'm not. It makes me laugh. And I look forward to many many many more laughs.
Posted by: eap at October 18, 2006 11:31 AM
Gheesh. A guy tries to say he's sorry and all he gets is more grief. All that stuff I said about the Piendak being graceful under fire is rubbish. She is a petulant fiend. And a Maryland fan, to boot. Nothing worse. (Though in full disclosure, I did leave messages on her answering machine that did prematurely reveal the results of those games she was taping to watch later. Yes I did.)
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