« You Can Be Famous | Main | Today and Tomorrow »

February 21, 2007

In Case You're Wondering

This entry will contain fascinating and detailed information regarding the care and feeding of Iggy. For those of you who do not know, this is Iggy (wearing her hair net). She is our dog. She is a nervous, stand-offish squirrel. But we love her so.

Tomorrow we will be depositing her for a three-day-two-night stay with our good friends Matt and Barbara Westbrook (and their two lovely daughters Kira and Jennifer).

Since we got Iggy, we haven't been away from her for more than one night at a stretch. The impending separation is somewhat traumatic to contemplate. So much so that Robbi composed a missive to share with the Westbrooks. It is detailed. And amusing. And so I will share it below.

Taking Care of Iggy, by Robbi Behr


Iggy is a dog. She has four legs. And four feet, too. Sometimes all four feet are on the ground. Other times, only two. Only very rarely is only one foot on the ground. If you would like Iggy to have only two feet on the ground, face her, stand up straight, and say "SIT!". She should then sit, but she'll still have four feet on the ground. Once she's sitting, hold a treat up in the air, and say "BEG!". At that point, she will lean back and put her front two feet up in the air. You can try to get her to put her back feet up in the air, but it probably won't work. At this point, Iggy will expect to be allowed to eat the treat you have in your hand. Though, if you don't give it to her, she doesn't really do anything about it, except look pathetic. You can try this trick to get her to stand on three feet, too, but instead of saying "BEG!" say "SHAKE!" and hold your hand out to her (not the one with the treat in it).

Sometimes Iggy has to go to the bathroom. If you're smart, you will let her outside every now and then to do it. Otherwise, she'll get kind of whiny and that usually means she needs to go out. Not letting her go to the bathroom might be a clever way to get her to hop on one foot, but it might backfire on you too. You don't necessarily have to put her on a leash and walk her to let her go to the bathroom. You can let her out, and say, "DO YOUR BUSINESS!" and she'll pretty much go right there. She's pretty good like that. Don't expect her to actually do any business like math or accounting when you say that. She needs a calculator if she's going to do that. After she's done, she'll probably look at you and wonder what happens next. Either you say, "COME!" and she'll come back inside, or you say "PICK THAT UP IN A BAGGIE AND TAKE IT TO THE TRASH!" -- but she doesn't have 100% accuracy on that command yet.

Iggy can sleep in her bed, in her bed in her crate, or in your bed. She's impossible to convince to sleep in your bed, though, so it's probably easier to let her sleep in either of the other places. Iggy likes her crate. It's like a home. She sometimes goes in her crate just to hang out, or knit, or watch TV. If you close the door, she doesn't mind. So, if you're going to leave her alone, you can leave her in her crate, with some knitting, or chew toys, or treats, and she will just hang out there. She likes it. If you want, you can also leave her in your car -- she's very polite and will not chew anything up, like other dogs. In fact, she loves riding in the car. So if you want to make her feel like she's done something all day, you can let her ride in the car. It's like a little adventure.

Iggy likes to eat. She especially likes biscotti and yogurt, but we like to discourage that kind of prissyness. She will have regular old dog food with her -- dole out two cups in the morning and two cups and night and she'll be content. She has to be, because, you see, she's a dog.

If Iggy decides to eat a stick when you are outside with her, that's okay. She only pretends to eat it, and hides the crumbly bits in her sleeve. In her spare time, you see, she's a magician. If you want to be a part of the magic, throw the stick for her, and she'll make it disappear. Sometimes she'll try to do the same with a ball, but usually the ball just disappears because you throw it in a bush or something silly like that. Also, Iggy is a follower. If you're having trouble getting her to come to you, turn around and walk away from her. Chasing her just makes her think it's a game. Whistling also helps get her attention.

To sum up:
Commands Iggy knows:
SIT! SHAKE! BEG! COME! DO YOUR BUSINESS! Oh, and she also knows STAY! And HEEL!
Eating: 2 cups, 2xday.
Peeing: whenever, but always outside.
Pooping: usually 2xday, definitely always outside.
Sleeping: in her bed, in her crate, on the floor, all night long and a good part of the day
Treats: in moderation, but you can spoil her for a few days.
Recreation: chasing sticks, going on walks, running, knitting, math.

I feel comforted knowing that the Westbrooks are so well prepared to understand Iggy's every nuance.

Should you ever be called upon to look after her, you too will know the ropes.


Posted by bogenamp at February 21, 2007 11:33 PM