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April 24, 2007

Keeping Up with the Chinese

It is with some shame that we make the following confession: Robbi and I have purchased a washing machine. And a dryer. I know that the reading public looks to us to uphold the forthright technological ideals of the mid-1850s, and so we are ashamed to be letting you down. If we had a nearby running brook in which to wash our things, we would use it. Believe us. But we do not and therefore had to seek alternative avenues. Like a washing machine. And dryer. Rest assured that we still have no running water in our primary living space. We still need to use a long stick to turn on the lights by the utility sink. Weaving through the maze of buckets, toolboxes, and pottery on the way to the bathroom in the middle of the night is still a harrowing ordeal. But we are now able to do laundry without leaving the barn. And this fact makes us happier than you would probably like.

When we first started contemplating this bold move, Robbi did a lot of online research. We needed a unit that would work within our limitations: 1) not much space and 2) no good place to vent the dryer. Apparently, while we Americans fill our homes with space-consuming washers AND driers, the rest of the world has been innovating new machines that combine both functions much more efficiently. That's right, you put your dirty clothes in the front-loading hole and come back later and remove completely dried clothes from the very same hole. Even more ideal, these units are self-condensing, which means that the dryer does not need to vent. The steam is turned back to water, which drains with the rest of the runoff. And the units are much more water, electricity, and detergent-efficient than traditional models.

There are many such units and many companies that produce them, especially in Europe. The one we chose, Haier, is produced in China, where space is clearly at a premium.

I'm sure you all are outraged, wondering what foul conspiracy has kept you from these lofty heights of clothes-washing happiness. The part I left out of the above equation was the time it takes to effect this wash-to-dry cycle. That would be about five hours. The online reviews we read were either wildly enthusiastic or downright angry. The difference seemed to have a lot to do with how one felt about a 5-hour laundry cycle.

Here is Bob with the machine.

Just obtaining the unit was an ordeal. The first one we ordered was completely demolished when we opened the box, as if it had been dropped from a great height. So we ordered another, which arrived some weeks later, apparently intact. We wheeled the thing into the bathroom and were gratified to find that it fit nicely betwen the wall and the bidet.

That's right, we have a bidet. The disenchantment continues on your part. "Who are these sanctimonioius jerks who gloat on and on about living in a barn when said barn has a fricking bidet!@$" you might be saying to yourself. If it is any consolation, I have not used the bidet, Robbi has not used the bidet, and we can't really explain why the bidet is there in the first place.

The important and relevant fact about the bidet is that its existence significantly eased the process of installing our new washer/dryer thing. We diverted the bidet intake pipe to the washer, and placed the drain hose in the bidet. The poor bidet, which probably began life with fantasies of being installed in a high-class French flat, heretofore will suffer the searing indignity of being our laundry drain. But such is the unpredictable life of the bathroom appliance.

Hooking up the plumbing was an ordeal.

I tried to stay out of the way while Bob and Robbi figured things out. We lacked the needed fittings and so Bob went to the hardware store. He went to the hardware store four times over the course of four hours. Retrofitting a bidet into a washing machine enabler is not as easy as you might think.

The process was occasionally demoralizing.

The first few times we tried to use the thing, there was significant leakage. But Robbi was persistant with the wrench, pipe dope, and electrical tape and eventually emerged triumphant.

In the past 48 hours we have done 5 loads of laundry. We pleased are like kids on Christmas, like trees on Arbor Day. We are willing to suffer whatever ratcheting down of esteem you may feel toward us. Because we no longer have to tote our laundry across High Street in the dead of night. Because we are keeping up with the Chinese.


Posted by bogenamp at April 24, 2007 10:37 AM