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April 17, 2007

You Be the Judge

I have mentioned previously that my former colleague, the infinitely bewitching Supi Loco thinks that I bear an uncanny resemblance, both in appearance and demeanor, to that lovable psychotherapist, TV's Niles Crane. I have graciously endured Supi's constant reminder of her feelings on this front in spite of not wholly agreeing with her. Because we are friends. Because friends endure, graciously as they can, when friends make potentially unkind comparisons with arguably irritating television characters.

To sate your curiosity, here is Supi.

But then I made a new friend, the alluring and remarkable Beth Duncan, who in most ways is pretty agreeable. But then she decided that I bore an uncanny resemblance, in appearance and demeanor, to the inimitable Dwight of TV's The Office. I have not seen the show, but have been told by people who love me that Dwight is an A#1 loser, and that I should be more than a little offended by Beth Duncan's position on the Dwight/me similarity thing.

And here is Beth:

Supi and Beth are friends and the subject of my relative similarity to Niles and Dwight is a matter of constant and fierce debate. In fact, I conjecture that the issue is the glue that binds them. But slowly, over months of the constant bickering, I am compelled to seek a way to resolve the conflict once and for all. And so I call on you, the readership, to weigh in and help us put the question to rest.

In order to make the contest fair and comprehensive, I afforded both Supi and Beth the opportunity to submit 150-word essays stating their case, along with a photo of their choosing in which the purported similarity was most pronounced.

Without further ado:

SUPI LOCO'S ESSAY

"I think Matthew reminds me of Niles Crane because they both have sort of the same shaped heads, even though Matthew's has that midwestern sphericality. Both excel at enunciation and the formation of complete sentences, no matter what they say, even when Matthew says "awesome," which, as everyone knows, hasn't been uttered by anyone except Ukranian Dungeons & Dragons aficianados or Canadians for about 6 years now.

Both Niles and Matthew are tallish and lean and have that 12-year-old boy/Labrador retriever puppy energy. They also share an inherent kindness and sensitivity to others.

But the most striking resemblance between Matthew and Niles is THE TWITCHINESS. They both TWITCH as though caffeine courses through their veins. Watch Matthew sometime. Watch him closely. He twitches. A lot. He simply can't keep still. He's got ants in his pants. Soon all you will notice about the man is his twitchiness.

Now that Matthew is no longer working at NCSDO, I miss watching him twitch. Most of all, I miss making him twitch by making some innocuous but loaded comment about his hair or wardrobe choices. So I stay up until 1:00 a.m. most weeknights, so I can watch back-to-back episodes of "Frasier" and wait for Niles' appearance so I can get my Matthew fix."

SUPI LOCO'S PHOTO SUBMISSION

BETH DUNCAN'S ESSAY

"Who needs 150 words? I think this says it all."

BETH DUNCAN'S PHOTO SUBMISSION

BETH DUNCAN'S COMMENT AFTER REALIZING HOW LAME HER ESSAY WAS AND PANICKING, REALIZING THAT SUCH A LAME ESSAY WAS NOT GOING TO CUT IT, AND TRYING TO WIN BACK MY FRIENDSHIP WITH THE TOO-LITTLE-TOO-LATE "MATTHEW IS NOT A BONEHEAD" COMMENT

Hi all,,, I guess I should have submitted more of a "formal" essay. Matthew is still giving me a hard time for my lameness. But in my case, the resemblance between Matthew and Dwight is primarily physical. C'mon--the smile is nearly identical, the glasses, the hair color!? Can you see it? Even the voice is remarkably similar. However, that's where the likeness ends. I do not think Matthew is a bonehead. He certainly can be a bit quirky, but he is nowhere nearly as odd as Dwight. So, please, cast your votes for Dwight!

MY CHARGE TO YOU, READER

Now, friends, you be the judge. Do I bear compelling resemblance to either Niles or Dwight? Is the similarity stronger in one direction or another? Should I be offended by the persistent claims of similarity? Is friendship with Supi or Beth a prize equal to the indignity of these comparisons?

Please share your thoughts. And cast a vote. This is a bona fide competition, after all. Either Supi or Beth will win, and the outcome is in your hands. As a prize to the victor, she may costume me however she pleases and take my photo AS Niles or Dwight. A photo I will then post on these pages at some yet-undetermined date.

Help these two settle the score, and help me end the torment of not knowing the specific ways in which my self-esteem should suffer.


Posted by bogenamp at April 17, 2007 07:02 PM