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October 18, 2007

In Need of Genius

Sometimes I'm mystified, wondering why we choose to let animals run free in our homes. I say "we" in the royal sense, knowing full well that many have the sense to just say no to pets. I admire those people. They are wise. They are strong. While the rest of us suffer the mess, stench, expense, and hassle of animals, these wise, strong people are sitting peacefully in their quiet, clean homes, enjoying the expensive olives and cheeses that they bought with the same money I have been spending on Science Diet, greenies, and vaccinations. Don't know what a greenie is? That means you are wise and strong. Stay that way. Resist temptation. Avoid kennels and greeting cards.

I am looking forward to the arrival of our child for, even though the thing will surely take cost, mess, and hassle to a whole new level, the animal-to-human ratio will once again be even. If there is a war, we humans will be better equipped to put up a fight. We lose that war daily now for want of reinforcements.

For the last few weeks, our situation has been even more dire. In addition to Iggy, Oscar, Lily, and the two fish Nopay and Attention (named by Seiko as a testament to their unwillingness to acknowledge her in a doting way), we have been the foster parents of Petey, a lonesome beagle who lives down the street.

Petey's rightful owner is living in an apartment that doesn't allow dogs, so Petey is living with his grandparents in Chestertown. Beagles are, as a breed, prone to despair when left alone, and so Petey spends his afternoons with us, terrorizing Iggy and drooling on her head. This contributes to the aforementioned stench of her. But I digress. Petey is a good boy. When not gnawing on Iggy or trying to mount her, he is really quite well behaved.

Robbi was feeling a bit rough last night. We're busy working on another project and, as usual, we have waited until the waning hours and find ourselves in panic mode. Last night was muggy and thick, and Robbi was hot and grouchy, and even so, there was really only one remedy for what ailed her.

The genius hat is just as effective on hot October evenings as it is on cold February mornings. The desired mood adjustment was swift.

Part of Robbi's joy was derived from her recent acquisition, a box of new x-acto blades.

"New x-acto blades?" you say, with some skepticism. "That doesn't sound like very much fun."

I counter by asking whether you read that packaging carefully. Did you, for example, happen to notice the quantity of blades that Robbi ordered?

Why settle for a package of ten or twenty x-acto blades when one can have 500? Why run the risk of running out of blades in one's lifetime when one's children and grandchildren could one day use blades from the very same box?

Viva la x-acto blades. Viva la one-to-one human-to-pet ratio. Viva la Christian and Emily, who are due to wed on Saturday. Tomorrow we head to Baltimore for the first of several celebratory meals.

If you harbor a long-suppressed intention to marry either Christian or Emily, you are running out of time to show up and stage a dramatic intervention. Plus, you have to admit that these two seem fairly well matched. I mean, they are practically interchangeable.


Posted by bogenamp at October 18, 2007 08:15 PM