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July 30, 2008
Entertaining Alden
First off, the answer to yesterday's puzzler. I must commend our friend Ming for coming up with "breastfeed," which, while quite long and able to be typed with the left hand alone, is not quite as long as "stewardesses."
As for the baby, she has suddenly emerged as a conscious being, possessed of a more comprehensive awareness of her surroundings and a corresponding hunger for stimulation. In Alaska, this was easy. One could merely stroll over to a stuffed bear and the kid would be impressed.
The one shown here, which stands perpetually motionless in the Anchorage airport, is the Guinness Record holder in terms of skull circumference.
But back in the Lower 48, in the confines of our dull and dusty barn, she has begun to demand a less wholesome form of diversion. I made the ultimate mistake of not accompanying Robbi when she took Alden to target yesterday. The story goes that as mother and child were strolling the baby section in search of a modest teething ring, Alden let out a shriek of infant joy at the sight of the Baby Einstein Musical Mobile Activity Jumper. She was entranced and demanded the immediate purchase of the colorful plastic monstrosity. And instead of exercising the disciplined brand of tough love for which my campaign of fatherhood will known, Robbi caved to the insistent appeals of nascent American capitalism, and brought the thing home.
It was my unhappy task to assemble it.
Alden heckled, providing no real assistance.
After many struggles and missteps, the Einstein seemed to be complete.
Alden seemed pleased with, if somewhat dwarfed by, the apparatus. Although the Musical Mobile Activity Jumper was rated for "ages 4 months to 25 pounds", only one of her tiny feet can touch the floor at a given time when she is properly seated within. It is therefore impossible for her to rotate the thing as must be done to achieve maximum infant joy. So we helped her move from one garish colorful station to another. She seemed to enjoy the mirror the most.
Already a narcissist.
After her five-minute joyride in the new toy, she burst into tears, demanding more and better entertainment. We were at loggerheads. What could possibly be more delightful than the Einstein?
I don't remember now which one of us had the brilliant idea to put her in the paper recycling bin.
But regardless, there can be little doubt that her enjoyment of it trumped her experience in the Einstein.
We haven't yet decided whether to actually recycle her. Our weekly pickup of paper, plastic, metal, and glass happens Friday morning. Probably best just to recycle the Einstein, reclaim our lost living room, and accept the fact that baby will suffer a few paper cuts along the way.
The price of baby happiness is steep, but it can be kept in check by learning from the mistakes of others.
Those of you with children, be advised that serious savings can be realized by seeing if your child can be satisfied by the cool galvanized walls of an Ikea trashcan ($10) before shelling out $79 for a plastic eyesore.
Posted by bogenamp at July 30, 2008 12:23 AM